We've all been there: it's time for bed but we watch "just one more episode" on Netflix, or indulge in a late snack because we "deserve it."
Don't get me wrong, these types of activities are fine in moderation, but too many people spend way too much time thinking they "need" and "deserve" to indulge themselves when they could be doing something more interesting that benefits them long-term.
What if you trained yourself to get pleasure out of doing more productive, purpose-driven activities?
In this article, I'll show you how to move beyond your perceived need for indulgence and retrain your brain to seek purposeful activities that help you to grow as a person.
Before cell phones and television, before all of our modern day temptations, people read books, wrote in their journals, and spent more time talking to each other.
People were only able to indulge in a short list of activities, most of which were growth-oriented. This was normal, and people accepted this because there were no other options.
Today, the average person watches 450 hours of commercials each year, which adds up to a whopping total of four years during an average lifetime. And that's just commercials. Total lifetime television watching is about nine years!
Now, what do all those commercials tell you? That's right, that you're not enough, that you need "relief," and that you should play the "short game" and seek instant gratification.
So you see, you've been programmed to play the short game, to believe that purposeful activities are burdensome and boring.
But what if you could reprogram yourself to enjoy purpose over pleasure? Imagine enjoying a deep sense of satisfaction from enriching yourself with purpose-driven activities.
Activities like going to the gym, reading books, writing a letter to a friend, meditating, learning a foreign language - things that give you satisfaction instead of fleeting pleasure.
Would you like more purpose-driven activities in your life? Or do you want to stick with the familiar short-term, pleasurable activities that are just an end unto themselves?
What if I told you that you could have it all? That's right, you could get the satisfaction of a purpose-driven life while also partaking (with moderation) in pleasurable indulgences.
The solution is the 90-10 Rule: choose purpose-driven activities 90% of the time. The other 10% is for those guilty indulgences. This is a sustainable model.
You see, completely eliminating indulgences can backfire. Your old programming becomes resentful and says, "I'm tired of purpose-driven activities. Damnit, I'm gonna binge-watch Netflix. I deserve it!" Before you know it, you've reverted back to the old pleasure-seeking mode.
You don't have to track your 90-10 ratio on a spreadsheet, just approximate it. You can do this with simple clock time. There's about sixteen waking hours in a day, so an hour of Netflix is 1/16 of that or 6.25% of your day. The percentages add up quickly, right?
So now as a therapist, I might ask you, how does this make you feel? Cheated? Resentful? Those are normal reactions to not indulging in your usual pleasure-driven activities. It's kind of like when a kid gets told that they can't have any dessert. But you're an adult. Do you really "need" to watch yet another lame episode of some drama-filled TV series? Get a life. A purpose-driven life!
Besides the 90-10 Rule, here are five strategies that will keep you on the path toward a more purpose-driven lifestyle.
1. Put limits on your cell phone. That's right, your phone needs limits, so that you're not tempted to stare mindlessly at that little screen. Don't look at your phone for the first 30 minutes of the day and put it away in another room at least an hour before you go to bed. Never have it at your bedside.
2. Bring out your books. Create productive temptations. Plant books around your house so that you'll read them instead of turning on your TV.
3. Exercise every morning. Exercise produces a potent cocktail of feel-good chemicals that help you focus and avoid cravings to seek out pleasure.
4. Your role models are watching you. Think about your grandparents, or your favorite school teacher, or the Greek philosophers, or any sort of role model who would smile at your purpose-driven activities. Imagine them watching you.
5. Time is precious. Think of your life like sand drifting through an hourglass. We all have a limited time on this planet. Few people on their deathbed say, "I wish I would've watched a lot more TV."
If committing to a purpose-driven lifestyle seems daunting, then try a test run. For one day pretend that you have a pair of magic "purpose glasses." Pretend that the glasses automatically label activities as either "purpose" or "pleasure."
Spend one day viewing the world through the lenses of these glasses. Seek purpose over pleasure for a full day.
For example, you might feel the compulsion to watch TV, but instead you decide to read a chapter in a self-help book.
Make these kinds of choices and see how you feel after a day. You might feel a sense of accomplishment or pride.
You might even start to notice that your purposeful activities are actually pleasurable. Now wouldn't that be something?
So give it a try. Take the one-day challenge and choose purpose.
Want more challenges? Try my no-news challenge. Read more about it on my blog post Stop Watching the News - One Day Challenge.
Indulging in pleasurable activities can be a form of anxiety avoidance. If you're interested in finding better ways to manage anxiety, feel free to check out my anxiety therapy services.
1918 Bonita Ave
Berkeley, CA 94704
510-431-8090
info@ceelycounseling.com
