Do you have trouble setting and reaching goals for yourself? If you're like most people, the answer is a frustrating "yes!"
Many of us tend to give up on our goals if we have a number of setbacks. If things don't go perfectly as planned, we buy into the lie that somehow were are not capable of our goal.
The classic example is the
New Year's resolution failure. Go into your local gym the first few of weeks of the year and it's packed. Wait a month and there's a lot more room to work out!
You see, most people are conditioned to believe that setbacks equal failure. Not true! Setbacks are part of the growth process.
Think of Thomas Edison. He “failed” to make a working light bulb over 1000 times! But he never gave up. He was committed to the process.
Let me ask you, have you ever done a less than perfect job at work or school and obsessed about your "errors" afterward?
Most people would say yes. But why? Chances are that most of your work was pretty good. Yet you focus on the small part that was not great.
This is not surprising given that our society is obsessed with perfection. Perfect grades, perfect bodies, perfect social media posts. No room for vulnerability or flaws.
In fact, perfectionism among young people is on the rise. A recent article by the American Psychological Association notes some troubling data on this trend.
The problem with the perfectionism paradigm is that it drains our motivation. Why? Because when mistakes are unacceptable, we tend to shut down to protect ourselves.
There is a myth in our society that at some point we will "arrive" and be "successful." The truth is that nobody ever arrives. Edison invented the light bulb, but his work was not finished. He had to find investors, get patents, and do a lot more work!
So you see, it's not about perfection or arriving. It's about making progress, and being on a journey without any final destination. The real product, if you will, is the experience of growing.
Here's an exercise to try. On a piece of paper write down a list of your accomplishments.
Get started by giving yourself credit for the small things. Did you do something nice for a friend or family member? Write it down. Did you help put food on the table for your family? Write it down.
If you allow yourself, you will come up with a decent list of accomplishments. Take a look at it. Let it soak in. Feel proud.
You've accomplished some good things. But have you "arrived?" Of course not. You need to keep going, keep growing.
Accomplishments are great and you should feel great about them. But also know that they are not the endpoint. The real focus is on enjoying your commitment to learning and growing.
Let's create an anchor. Commit
right now to progress, and drop perfection.
The next time your day doesn't go as planned, or you don't complete your to-do list, use this phrase to anchor yourself: "I am committed to progress, not perfection."
A point of caution: it's easy to slip back into the hypnosis of perfection. It's all around us - in advertising, social media - everywhere.
Keep reminding yourself day in and day out of your commitment to your progress.
You will never arrive at some perfect destination. But in knowing this, you free your mind. You realize that you are right where you should be: committed to progress, your own unique path. Keep going!
If you're struggling with perfectionism, or have questions about how therapy works, feel free to reach out and schedule your
free phone consultation today.
1918 Bonita Ave
Berkeley, CA 94704
510-431-8090
info@ceelycounseling.com
