Dude, Where's My Therapist?

How men can break the stigma of psychotherapy and get the help they need.

It's no secret that men are less likely to go to therapy than women. It's also no secret that this is mainly due to societal norms around men’s behavior.

Traditional male roles have emphasized self-reliance and emotional toughness. Expressing a need for help is considered a sign of weakness. Men are encouraged to "figure it out" themselves.

But men can benefit greatly from therapy. Anxiety, depression and other mental health challenges severely impact men. In fact, men die by suicide at three times the rate of women. A lot of men are not getting the help they need.

Certainly men have outlets for stress, including going to the gym and having a beer with their buddies. Nothing wrong with that. What's wrong is when men need real professional help and they don’t get it. When they're clinically depressed or when they have chronic anxiety, a lot of men just tough it out.

To be fair, we've come a long way in terms of making it okay for men to go to therapy. But the statistics still show that men seek help at a much lower rate than women.

So how can we make it easier for men to get therapy? I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently. Many of the men I see in my therapy practice are referred by their wives or girlfriends or partners. They wouldn’t have gone on their own.

One way to reduce the stigma is through role models. Several high-profile athletes have opened up about their mental health struggles. NBA star Kevin Love suffered from panic attacks for years until he finally spoke up. Former NFL quarterback Steve Young wrote a book called Beyond the Spiral, recounting years of anxiety. You can listen to his powerful interview here.

Even tough-guy actor Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson has come forward and talked about his dark times with depression. PattonOswalt, Wayne Brady, Ryan Reynolds , and other famous men are starting to reduce the stigma of therapy by publicly revealing their own mental health challenges. Actor Jon Hamm put it best: "It’s not a weak move to say, I need help."

Besides role models, therapists can actively broadcast that it’s okay for men to seek help. This can be done through blog posts like this one, or by therapists actively proselytizing the good word: men, it’s okay to get help! Shout it from the rooftops!

I encourage all therapists (especially men) to do something to reduce the stigma of men going to therapy. This can be done via men's group offerings, corporate workshops, or by simply self-disclosing to friends and family that "hey, I've benefited from therapy myself."

As a therapist who works with male clients, I decided to take action to reduce stigma and lower the barrier to therapy. I started Men's Therapy Directory. It's a site for men looking for a male therapist.The response so far has been very positive.

If you're reading this and know a man who could benefit from therapy, speak up and let them know you care. Suggest therapy, and if you've experienced some anxiety or depression (hey, who hasn't?!) share that too. We all need to normalize mental health as just human health.

My hope is that men will soon view therapy the same as having a personal trainer at the gym. Instead of talking about how much they're bench pressing, I envision men bragging about their therapy breakthroughs: “Dude, I totally cried in session today, it was awesome!”