The Golden Rule. Treat others the way you want to be treated. It's one of those basic human philosophies.
You see it time and again in literature and in the world's major religions. Seems like a pretty good idea, right?
Well, there's a small problem with the Golden Rule. It's not always applied both ways. What do I mean?
While we endeavor to treat others well, sometimes we don't demand the same standard of respect in return.
It's as if the Golden Rule applied only one way. But it's a two-way street. Healthy relationships require mutual respect.
Let's take an example. Bill and Jerry are friends. Bill wants to borrow Jerry's pickup truck and says he "really needs it" tomorrow.
This is the third time Bill has borrowed the truck, and he never offers anything in return. He doesn't even refill the gas.
Jerry believes in the Golden Rule, but finds it hard to apply it to someone else, especially to Bill, his friend.
He worries about hurting Bill's feelings by saying no. But Jerry is starting to feel resentful. What should he do?
The great thing about the Golden Rule is that it's a rule! And if it's a good rule (which it is), then Jerry can use it to set boundaries with his friend Bill.
Setting a boundary is less stressful when there's a rule. Rules are less "personal." Jerry might say something like, "I know you need a vehicle tomorrow, Bill. But that's too short notice. Sorry, I can't help."
This sets a respectful and reasonable boundary. Jerry doesn't have to feel guilty or awkward about denying an unreasonable request.
Responsibility is defined as "being accountable for something within one's power, control, or management." If you have trouble saying no, remind yourself of this definition.
In our example, is it Jerry's responsibility to ensure his friend Bill has a pickup truck? Of course not. It's within Bill's own "power, control and management" to find a vehicle.
By giving the responsibility back to Bill, Jerry let's go of any guilt. Jerry is not responsible for his friend's lack of planning.
Setting boundaries is like tough love. If you have a friend, family member, or coworker asking you for something unreasonable, give them the gift of tough love. Empower them with their own responsibility.
Remember, if you keep rescuing people, they'll never stand on their own two feet. You're actually denying them the opportunity to get their act together!
The worst thing you can do is cave to someone's demands. "Just this once," you might say. But that can leave you feeling resentful. And that's not good for anybody.
The next time someone tries to push your boundaries, ask yourself, "would I treat someone this way?" If the answer is no, then that's your answer.
The Golden Rule applies both ways.
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