How Acceptance Gives You Better Choices (blog + video)

You hear the word acceptance a lot these days. It's often used when referring to mindfulness and meditation practices.

But what exactly is acceptance? Let's define it. First of all, let's define what it is NOT.

Acceptance, when used as tool of empowerment, is not complacency. It's not resignation, settling for less, giving up or giving in. Acceptance is ACKNOWLEDGMENT of the reality of the present moment. It's also the first step in taking positive action.

You see, when you resist reality through non-acceptance, you obscure helpful choices. You become trapped.

Forms of non-acceptance include denial, blaming, complaining, and resentment that things did not go the way they should have.

I'm not suggesting that you become an emotionless robot. It's normal to be disappointed, angry, sad, etc. The problem is when we stay stuck and continue to WISH things were different. This keeps us from taking helpful action toward a solution.

Let me give you a few examples where you can employ the power of acceptance in your everyday life.

No one likes being stuck in traffic. It's a feeling of disappointment, of powerlessness. You're stuck. Literally!

How do most people react? They get angry, curse, feel tense and anxious. Why? Because they have not acknowledged reality. They’re not only stuck in traffic, they’re stuck in denial.

Here's three steps to move beyond denial and toward solutions that help you:

Step 1. ACKNOWLEDGE the present reality - "I'm stuck in traffic right now."

Step 2. NOTICE and normalize your emotions - "I'm angry, and that's normal."

Step 3. IDENTIFY your options and CHOOSE the best one - "my options right now are staying angry, or listening to music or a podcast."

Knowing that you have a CHOICE is empowering. It's up to you!

Acceptance can also be useful if you need to have a difficult conversation with a friend, family member, or coworker.

Maybe you're angry at them for not treating you the way you expected. Perhaps it was an argument, an e-mail, or a rude comment. You're ruminating, wishing things were different, dreading talking to the person.

Here's how to have that tough conversation:

Step 1. ACKNOWLEDGE reality. Somebody could have behaved better. Maybe it was you, maybe it was the other person.

Step 2. NOTICE and normalize your emotions. You might feel angry, hurt, or nervous to reach out to them. That's okay, they're likely feeling the same way.

Step 3. IDENTIFY your options and CHOOSE the best one - you could stay angry or hurt and let things fester. Or you might decide the relationship needs repairing and initiate a conversation.

Remember, there's no guaranteed outcome. But accepting and acknowledging reality empowers you with choice.

You see, acceptance, in the empowering definition, is not a copout. It's not fluffy positive thinking. You're confronting the truth, feeling the raw emotions, and deciding on the best action.

For the sake of this article, I'm using examples of normal everyday challenges. Dealing with major life challenges is not so simple. This is often best handled by reaching out to friends, family or a counselor.

I hope this article helps you notice the best choices available when those unexpected challenges inevitably show up.

If you liked this video, you can watch more on my YouTube Channel.