Parents: Do You Know Your Teenager’s Friends?

Cindy, age 15, says to her mom, "I'm going over to Lisa's house after school, okay?

Cindy's mom then asks, "Um... wait a second, who is Lisa?”
"She's in my algebra class." replies Cindy. "Lisa’s cool, don't worry so much, mom."

If you are a parent, what would you say next? Who is this friend Lisa? What you say next depends on a number of things of course, including how trustworthy Cindy is, what time she'll be home, etc.

But a more important question arises: how well do you know your teenager's friends?

You may feel reluctant to find out more about your kid’s friends. You don't want to be one of those hovering, "helicopter parents" who never trusts your kid. At the same time, you want to know if your child's peers are a good influence.

Just because your son or daughter gets good grades and is responsible, doesn't mean they can't be swayed by peer pressure to skip class or do drugs. During the adolescent years, social acceptance plays a major role in teens’ decision making.

So why not get to know your kid’s friends? The worst that could happen might be some eye rolling or awkwardness.

I'm not suggesting you assume control of your son or daughter's social life. I mean get to know their friends’ basic habits, first and last names, and who their parents are. That means actually meeting your child’s friends, or at the very least, introducing yourself to their friends’ parents via phone.

Your teenager may protest, and even accuse you of not trusting them. Stand firm. Your request is not unreasonable. Your kid may be mad at you, but deep down they'll respect you. A teenager needs certainty, and knowing that their parent has their back puts them at ease.

Of course, you can involve yourself even further by meeting other parents in person, attending a parent teacher association meeting, or hosting a sleepover.

Remember, the idea is not to pry into all the details of your teen’s social life. The idea is to assert your role as parent and know who your son or daughter is spending time with.

Knowing your kid’s friends helps everybody. It helps you, because you'll know if a peer is a good or bad influence. It helps other parents by creating a responsive network. And most of all, it sends a message to your son or daughter that you care.