If you're ending each workday feeling stressed, resentful, or drained, you're not alone. As a therapist who specializes in helping high-achieving men manage work and career challenges, I've seen how poor boundaries can impact even the most passionate professionals.
The good news is that it’s not too late to start setting better boundaries at work. And it doesn't require a complete personality overhaul on your part.
In this article, I'm going to share three practical strategies that my clients use to protect their time, energy, and their passion for their work. Whether you're an employee or a business owner, these strategies can help.
Picture this… you're finally getting into a productive flow at work when your colleague drops by with a request: "Hey, something came up. Can you cover for me in the Zoom meeting today?”
Your internal dialogue kicks in. Part of you wants to say no. Your colleague has pulled this stunt before. To be honest, you’re fed up. But before you realize it, the words escape your mouth: "Sure, no problem," you reply.
After the Zoom meeting, you're stressed, resentful, and wondering why you can't just say no. Sound familiar? Read on...
Before we get into the actual boundary-setting strategies, let's talk about why boundaries matter.
Think of your workplace like a family system. Everyone has defined roles, responsibilities, and expectations. When one person fails to fulfill their role, others compensate to keep things functioning.
In family systems, when compensating becomes chronic, we call it enabling.
For example, when an alcoholic father doesn't fulfill his responsibilities, family members often compensate. If he’s hung over, they might call in sick for him so he doesn’t lose his job. They mean well, but over time, their good intentions turn to resentment. And the father’s alcoholism continues unaddressed.
The same dynamics can play out in the workplace. When executives don't lead, when colleagues don't deliver, or when roles and responsibilities are unclear, others fill in the gaps. The organization keeps functioning, but at a cost. Employees burn out, there’s turnover, and eventually the business starts to decline.
The solution to all this chaos? Healthy boundaries. And when an organization doesn’t have the structure to encourage boundaries, it’s up to you to set them for yourself.
Now that we understand the nature of workplace dysfunction, and why boundaries matter, let’s learn some strategies.
For men in leadership positions, the biggest boundary problem I see is the inability to delegate. Maybe this is a problem for you as well. Because you're good at what you do, you find it's easier to just handle something yourself.
But here's what happens. You take lunches at your desk, you work on weekends, and you take on more and more responsibilities that aren’t yours. Resentment builds and your motivation declines.
It doesn't have to be this way. You can start to train yourself to say no and delegate more. How? Start with small "delegation experiments."
Try this delegation experiment and see how it feels:
When you start to delegate consistently, your team learns to step up, and you free up your time for more important work.
Many of us default to saying yes because we want to be helpful and be seen as team players. But this pattern slowly erodes your boundaries until you're everyone's go-to person for last-minute requests. Essentially, you’ve trained people that it's okay to dump things on you.
If you want to stop saying yes to people's requests, here's a few scripts you can try:
If you have any guilt about doing this, remember that you're saying no to this person just this one time, not forever. You always have the option to help in the future.
Here's another trick. I call it the "role-reversal test." Imagine you ask a colleague for help at the last minute and they decline. They say they're too busy. Would you think your colleague was being selfish or unreasonable? Of course not. You'd probably understand. The same standard applies to you. It's okay for you to say no.
The third strategy is to literally ask for help without having to justify it. As in, it's kind of nice to have people help you! Maybe this is a new concept for you. It is for many people.
Especially for high-achieving men, we fear that if we ask for help, it makes us seem weak or incompetent. We might also worry about burdening others.
But here's the truth: asking for help is essential to creating a functional, collaborative workplace. If you're the only one who picks up the slack, you're robbing other people of their chance to step up, and moreover, you're setting yourself up for burnout. And if you're burned out, you're not very useful!
Feeling burned out at work? Read my post Don’t Quit Your Job Yet: Understanding Work Dynamics and Burnout
If you're in leadership, everything starts with you. When you model healthy boundaries, you give your entire organization permission to do the same.
Modeling healthy boundaries might mean making some tough decisions. You may need to hire additional support, reorganize roles, or in some cases, let go of people who fail to fulfill their responsibilities.
These aren't easy choices, but they're essential for creating a functional organization where everyone can thrive.
For anyone struggling with boundaries at work, here's a homework assignment for you:
Treat this assignment like a fun experiment and collect data on it. How did people respond? How did you feel afterwards? If your coworkers are basically reasonable, most likely your boundary homework will not upset anybody. And you might even free up some time for yourself.
Remember, boundaries aren't about being difficult or rigid. They're about creating clarity and sustainability in your work life. When everyone understands and respects their roles (with room for occasional flexibility) the entire system functions better.
Setting boundaries might feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you've been the go-to “yes person” for years. But here's what my clients consistently discover: when you set clear, reasonable boundaries, people actually respect you more. You feel less resentful, more energized, and surprisingly, you become more valuable to your organization, because you have more time to focus on things that matter.
The stressed, overwhelmed version of you isn't serving anyone. By protecting your time and energy through better boundaries, you're not just helping yourself, you're contributing to a healthier, more functional workplace for everyone.
Michael Ceely, LMFT, helps high-achieving men build sustainable success. If you're ready to set better boundaries and create lasting change in your work life, book a free 15-minute consultation today.
1918 Bonita Ave
Berkeley, CA 94704
510-431-8090
info@ceelycounseling.com
