3 Strategies to Reduce Family Stress During the Holidays

Use acceptance, boundaries and empathy to have a better holiday.

Do you dread holidays with your family?

If so, it's likely due to a "difficult" family member. Maybe it's that cousin who talks about politics, or that uncle who drinks too much.

Whatever the challenge, family gatherings can be stressful. But this year doesn't have to be that way.

Holidays with your family CAN be better. Here are three strategies that can help.

The first strategy is acceptance. This doesn't mean you endorse your relatives' bad behavior.

It means being realistic and accepting that some of your relatives will probably misbehave during the holidays. If it happened before, it will likely happen again. Plan on it.

Hoping that certain family members will change creates expectations and tension. It's like wishing you didn't have to do your taxes. You just create more stress for yourself.

Read more about the power of acceptance on my blog post, How Acceptance Gives You Better Choices.

Setting boundaries is the next strategy. Plan ahead of time how you might respond to a difficult family member.

Maybe you and your immediate family can agree to all respond in the same way. Figure out how not take the bait. This could be as simple as changing the subject, or appointing someone to be the spokesperson while others bite their tongue.

Also consider an escape plan. For example, you could have a spare hotel room reserved, or you might limit family members’ access to your home if you're the one hosting the holiday dinner. Have an out. It's okay to take care of yourself.

The third strategy is empathy. Just like acceptance, empathy does not mean you tolerate people's bad behavior.

Empathy can be used to soften the blow. When a family member drinks too much, or says something inappropriate, know that their behavior may be coming from a place of pain.

Instead of taking it personally, notice how they are unable to control themselves. Notice not in a contemptuous way, but rather as an observer. Be curious. What might cause someone to act that way? Maybe your relative’s behavior is masking some emotional pain.

Again, you're not excusing their behavior, you're simply not taking the bait. You're letting them be themselves, and not reacting.

Conclusion

Remember, no family is perfect, and every family has issues. It's also rare that all family members get along with each other all the time. So set your expectations accordingly.

Also remember that the holidays are a time of higher stress just in general. And when stress is higher, people can be stress-full. You don't need to excuse someone's bad behavior, but understand that they may be a little extra stressed.

Family holiday gatherings can also bring out those people-pleasing behaviors that some of us have. If this sounds like you, read my blog post on how to stop people-pleasing.

By focusing on the three key strategies - acceptance, boundaries, and empathy - you can have a more enjoyable (or at least tolerable!) holiday season with your family.