I was recently at the San Francisco airport, and I picked up a leadership book to pass the time during my flight. While reading the book, it confirmed something I had been noticing for years: leadership styles map almost exactly to parenting styles.
Think about it. Can you recall a boss you had who was a tyrant, or a pushover, or disengaged? It's highly likely that your boss first learned about leadership from his parents.
There are four parenting styles that leaders tend to emulate, but in this article, I’ll focus on the authoritarian leader. Because whether you are one (hopefully not!) or you report to one, understanding this style will increase your leadership awareness.
As a psychotherapist and executive coach, I regularly ask leaders to examine how they were raised. The behavioral patterns internalized early in life show up directly in how we manage people, motivate teams, and respond under pressure.
Mapping those parenting patterns onto leadership can give you a concrete, actionable framework for understanding how you lead and why your team responds the way it does.
Having this kind of self-awareness is advantageous, not just in your career, but in how you act in leadership situations in your personal life.
As I mentioned, there are four parenting styles that mirror leadership styles. Let’s take a look at them.
The authoritarian leader typically rose up through the ranks by having relentless drive and a fierce will to win. Unfortunately, those same qualities are often the ones that push team members out the door.
Key characteristics of the authoritarian leader include:
Sound familiar? You might recognize some of these traits in your own leadership, or in the person sitting above you on the org chart.
Authoritarianism exists on a spectrum, meaning it’s not always a bad leadership style.
On the functional end of the spectrum, an authoritarian leader can drive short-term results, keep teams aligned, and maintain order in high-pressure situations. In a crisis, that kind of clarity of command can actually be an asset.
But when this style tips toward dysfunction, the costs compound quickly. There can be high employee turnover, employee disengagement (aka quiet quitting), and a reluctance to contribute for fear of criticism.
Dysfunctional authoritarian leaders resist feedback, become defensive under scrutiny, and fail to adapt as conditions change. The irony is brutal: the control they seek actually undermines their results.
Ask yourself these questions honestly:
If you answered yes to several of these, you are either looking in the mirror at some of your own traits or realizing that your boss may have an authoritarian leadership style.
If you see authoritarian tendencies in your own leadership, the good news is that you can change. And you don’t have to become someone you're not.
Start small with a few disciplined, measurable habit changes:
The goal is not to soften your edge, it’s to sharpen your full range as a leader.
Some leaders who have perfectionist traits may come across as authoritarian. Read more in my article Perfectionism in High Achievers.
Reporting to an authoritarian leader can be a real test of your patience and resilience. First of all, don’t take things personally. Remember, it’s just a management style.
But to keep your sanity, it’s important to create some boundaries and structure for yourself:
Working for an authoritarian leader is possible with the right attitude and structure, but not if it comes at the cost of your long-term career development.
Authoritarian leadership can win short-term battles, but it usually loses the longer war. Good people leave, innovation dries up, and performance plateaus.
The alternative is for the authoritarian leader to gain self-awareness and decide to work on leadership skills.
The reason I decided to compare parenting styles to leadership styles is to show that we are all trained in paradigms. And paradigms can seem like “the only way.” They are rarely challenged. The authoritarian may be totally unaware of how his rigid style is affecting others. And if his parents were also rigid and inflexible, how could he know any other way of leading others?
This is not to excuse bad behavior. On the contrary, having empathy for the authoritarian helps you take things less personally. Or, if you’re an authoritarian leader yourself, you can have empathy for yourself. It’s not your fault, and in knowing this, you can change.
In summary, there is hope for all leaders. We can all be more self-aware and understand that at the end of the day leadership is a skill. And new skills can always be acquired.
For more on workplace dynamics, check out my article Three Ways to Set Better Boundaries at Work.
Authoritarian leaders prioritize top-down decision-making and have a limited openness to feedback from their teams.
Authoritative leaders set clear expectations and provivde accountability but are also open to feedback.
In short bursts, or in highly hierarchical environments, yes. But sustained success is rare. This style tends to push out high-value talent and suppress innovation.
Keep your feedback factual and solution-oriented. Use data and frame your input as a way to help your boss reach his own goals more effectively. Private conversations will land better than public challenges.
If you are trying to change your authoritarian leadership style, try this: at the next staff meeting, invite three suggestions from your team and commit to seriously exploring one.
If the leader shows no signs of changing, and the environment is consistently limiting your growth or damaging your wellbeing, plan your exit strategy.
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